Saturday, August 29, 2020

I just wanted to say that, for the first 16 years of my life, my father tried, relentlessly, to murder me and where he failed, I tried, thrice, to end my own life with over-doses of medications, ingestion of toxins, and slicing my own wrists (I still have the scar as a reminder). My siblings (and her spouse) tried to "put me out" (I had EVERY legal right to sue you for every dream you ever had... but sadly, I didn't). Mother chose to protect her other 3 brats over me & shoved me out of the house well before I was of legal age to be on my own... and sign a lease. But darlings? How it must annoy and disturb you all to see this, but the fact is:
In just  a few hours from as I type this, I will have managed to survive 65 years of onslaught, your onslaughts. Sweeties? You failed. Tonight the moon shines brilliant blue-white in an indigo sky above me, beautiful breezes of the freshest air blow through my open door and fill my little home with the most invigorating air, with scents of pine, hemlock, rich soil. The only sounds that disturb the silence are those of crickets and the wind as it blows past my windows. I AM, actually living a dream, a hope, an aspiration. I've managed to crawl through, under, over the mounds of your shit, I have walked on broken glass through the fires of the Hell you've dealt. And I am at peace... of mind, spirit, soul. You failed. And I'm smiling, singing, dancing, and, most important, as I've said, am at peace.
You? You live alone, at the bottom of bottles of alcohol, married those who obviously didn't and don't love or respect you, lost children. I don't "rejoice" in that. Rather, I rejoice in the glory of where I am, who I am, and the respect that I've earned from all around me.
I've existed long enough to set the truth free. Rest assured there are are those who "know". And my soul is FREE.
Will I manage another 5, 10, 20 years more? I doubt it. But I've been blessed. "Truth" has been set free. Now the only enemies you have left are yourselves and those around you. Me? I have none.
Fare well. I have no "hate". I have no "love", but I have no hate. And I'm glad you happened upon this, in the searches I know you invest your time in conducting... poor, pathetic little beings that you are.
Be well. Be "you". It's all you possibly can be... as repulsive as it may be. Go, sleep in your vomit after you've passed-out drunk at night. Lay on the hood of your car on some deserted back road. Revel in your temporary escapes. As it is, it's what you deserve, what you've earned. Live in your illusions. One day, all will be as intended... Meanwhile... thank you... I've worked very hard for this moment in my life-time... and nothing else is more appreciated. Go, be evil. As mother and Oma used to say:
This too, shall pass... (and the Hell you plunge into is the Hell of your own making).